Animalistic Valentine's Day

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Last time I checked, humans can learn a whole lot of naughtiness from our animal neighbors.


1. Our parents already told us that sex is dangerous, and if you don't believe them, check out octopuses. The males actually have it so -ahem- rough, that their penises brake off after sex. No worries though, they grow right back the following season.

2. Who said that oral sex can't get you pregnant? The female cichlid fish carries her eggs in her mouth and these eggs get fertilized right there by a male.

3. Make war, not love. Because hermaphroditic flatworms have both sexes, two worms would pull their genitalia, use it as a sword and start fighting each other. The winner gets to be the male.

4. Making babies is all about the belly. Ask a bedbug. A male just jabs a female bedbug in the belly when he wants to mate.

5. The biggest orgies are from the red side garter snakes. One female -- hundreds of males.

6. Size does matter, a lot. A male slug has his penis so big that he must find a mate of suitable size. Otherwise, he risks having his penis bitten off.

8. Male gold-diggers. The male angler fish latches unto the female, then eats off her food until she is ready to fertilize.

9. Not-so-romantic kisses. Midges often look like they are kissing, but it's just a female sucking out a male's bodily fluids.

10. Anal what? When a male hippo is hot for a female, he uses his tail and sprays her with feces. The lady hippos find it irresistible.



11. He really loves her to death. The male brown antechinus will have sex with one female for up to 12 hours. Then he might die. Or resumes sex with another female. The males only survive one mating season.

12. Females prefer bisexual earwigs. And by that we mean earwigs who have two penises. According to scientists, they have more sex. Who would have thought?

13. Girls just wanna have fun, at least for the whiptail lizards. The males have been wiped out because of a genetic phenomenon. The females are parthogenetic unisexual copulators. The females reproduce exact copies of themselves.

14. Silky bondage. A male lynx spider traps the female of his love in a web of silk. He then distracts her with a romantic dinner of insect on the web, while he proceeds to sex.

15. Eating and heads. The female praying mantis literally rips the head of her mate after sex. She can also eat his head during sex.

16. Promiscuous girl... Giraffes have sex with as many partners as possible, and they do it year round. The male usually first tastes the female's urine, if it tastes good, it's on.

17. If I were a boy... When the dominant male of the cleaner fishes dies, a female becomes the new male (protogynous hermaphrodite). The dominant male selects a female, dances with her, releases sperm, while other the males of the audience do the same.

18. The male porcupine sprays their mates with a stream of urine. I don't think that they named that a golden shower.

19. A dolphin handshake will make you blush. Dolphins actually have a retractable penis on their flippers. Not to mention a very high sex drive. The males mate VERY often and reach orgasm in 12 seconds.

20. And the most romantic of all... Biologist have given up making list of how horseshoe crabs have sex. They try a lot of new things, often on the beach, and under the moonlight :)


ADVICE OF THE MONTH!

If you still have Valentine Day's flowers that you do not want to die, you might be better off getting some vodka. Drinking the vodka won't help much, but if you put a bit in the water that holds your flower, you roses might live longer.


Did you know... that a survey conducted by Durex condom indicated that Eastern Europeans have the most sex. It gets cold in Russia, you know. (Discovery.com)


(None of the above information comes from my original research. I am merely presenting known information for "educational" purposes. All of this stuff can be found online, a book, or whatever...)